Work in Progress

Since coming back form Thailand I've shifted into doing much more bodywork with people than ever before. The more massage therapy I give the more yoga I have to do to clear my energy and manage my physical form… Then the more massage I receive and the more that shifts inside of me… and from there I'm back on my mat in the dark, candles lit with fire and clearing with breath again, feeling the waves of energy move and pulses from currents accumulated. In the last year I've been allowing even more and more time into my practice for the subtle more quite practices to feel and acknowledge what's showing up for me, in me, from me, from others, triggers, blocked emotions and deeply moving feelings of compassion, empathy and gratitude. As the ever evolving and changing elements of what "is" surfaces and bubbles up in my own fields, I'm grateful now for the more common element of grace in which I release. Such a contrast from the gripping, overwhelming and quite fearful experiences an emotional release used to characterize for me. I'm still surprise to notice my lack of "fight" as my habit for surrendering becomes stronger than my history of resisting. I'm sitting here today in a place beyond grateful for my teachers, my beautiful education in the healing arts and the countless intimate hours I've spent with humans as a friend, a nurse, a therapist, a doula, a teacher, a student, a lover... I've never felt so much as I do in my present. It brings me to tears to feel so deeply, to be moved and touched by the beauty that is every one of us. Music, vibration, nature, communication of all forms are rocking my world. Who is this girl that cries so freely now a days lol? Only now the tears come from deep love and awe with smiles and laugh to accompany them. These are the things I've been thinking but have been holding back in order to censor for the audience that may not be willing or ready to hear talk in this nature… but I do not see the point in hiding from exposing these kind of truths any longer just to "meet people where they are at".. because I believe that fear is the only reason one would hold back. So, if where you are at, is timidly watching from afar to see if it's safe to try to deeply feel, too look for your own magic in you and that that surounds you, let my descriptions of experience encourage you and tell you that you are not alone in this. If I share my truths, another can feel supported as they share theirs and as you share yours, I will feel supported and together we will learn and explore more of Self because of our sharing. I've never been so busy "working" as I am now and this practice of releasing so I can be a conduit and not a halfway house for stuck energy takes my full attention and self reflective honesty at times. Oh yes.. this is a work in progress. So, I'm grateful for the moments I'm lucky enough to notice if I haven't given myself time for effective processing. Sometimes it's easiest to lean into the familiar dis-ease of numbing, hiding and running from feeling what is potentially uncomfortable or scary or foundation shockingly beautiful or just simply a new territory for my spirit to play… but it's just as easy to not numb out and the tingles, surges, pulls, pulses, buzzes, vibrations, intuitive hits and cascading, crescendoing waves make it the best playground I've ever experienced <3