A 70 year old version of my Grandfather told my Mother once, when she asked about a story of his youth; "Oh Kamron, I must have be 4 or 5 different people since then!" Motherhood/parenthood shifts a person. The shift is an extraordinarily powerful transformation that takes place over time. For me life is taking its sweet and generous time to show me what I'm transforming into. There is so much pulling in happening, slight or large removals from different parts of this world, saving precious energy to feed the transformation in our entire home. We three are so new at our roles of Mama, Daddy and Baby. In the teaching of the caterpillar to the butterfly, I would identify in the cocoon stage, where the freedoms and life I knew once are now forever the past. Here inside the cocoon this knowing begins to settle: I'll never live life in the same ways that used to define me, again. Confined like the early days of having a new baby naturally do to a mama. In some ways I'm turning to goo as re-creation takes place. My old self melting but not going away. So much symbolism here. The isolation, so one can do their inner work. The strong demands to nurture self so that transformation on many levels is possible. The pulling in, creating a home and staying in that shelter as you sit with self, in the raw, vulnerable unmaking of one creature to create another. Freaking magic. Maiden to Mother. This rites of passage isn't congruent with our fast pace instant gratification society. One creature can not be both the butterfly and the caterpillar though many lose themselves trying. We have to become the goo first... and honor this often confusing and uncomfortable goo. Then ask that our community honor this process as well. The courage it takes to look at self and say realistically what you are here and now. Not what you worked hard at becoming before but this beckoning demand to be honestly present. To witness yourself, to observe the truths of Now. I wonder if it's that final letting go of the illusion of what you identify with, the surrender or shedding of skin that completes the readiness of the butterfly. Only then can it embrace its wings and break out into a new freedom. When it's ready to fly above a life it had, knowing its world will be forever changed into vast unknowns and still be able to say yes to the radical expansion. Maybe the cocoon time is built in to let the awe of a life so full of wonder settle into the capacity of understanding. And isn't it wonderful still on top of all this letting go, that the butterfly could visit all the branches and leaves she loved when she was crawling along the earth if she wished ... and somehow fall in love with her new world as she learns to use her wings and take to the sky. But for now there is a long list of things I once was but I'm currently not... After months in my cocoon here is what I know of self Now: I am a gooey mommy, lover, partner, home runner, friend, artist, daughter, sister, writer, day dreamer, yogini, magic seer and student of life. And maybe I'm transforming into a snow leopard who knows ;) Here is to the opportunities for transformations! Death and rebirth. The shift, the goo and being 4 or 5 people since then. I love these two and so glad we get to be all gooey together
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